Got this from VH1, where last week, they were showing "The Top 20 Reasons Why It's Great To Be...." And then they had topics like Fat, 30, Queer, Blonde, and a Red State. Which made me think, hey, I'm 2/5ths of that who series. how lucky would it be to be an blonde fat 30 yr old fag from Utah, huh?
but anyway, I got the Queer list, and thought I'd post it here. here goes:
#20: Kids Shows Make You Gay (ie, Bert & Ernie; Spongebob; the tele-tubbies; Pepperment Patty & Marcy)
#19: So Many Ways To Be Gay (ie, tops, bottoms, bear, wolves, otter, size queen, rice queen, drag queen)
#18: You're Hilarious (needs no explanation)
#17: Showtunes (again, should be self-explanatory)
#16: Faghags (gotta love 'em!)
#15: Lesbians Look Great On TV (whatever, like I'm looking)
#14: Scaring Straight People (oh, the fun of this can never be underestimated!)
#13: Parades (if you've never been to a Gay Pride parade, you have GOT to experience it at least once in your lifetime!)
#12:'Mommie Dearest' (probably THE gayest movie of all time)
#11: You Have The Best Names (bars: Cockpit, Woody's, Manhole, Mineshaft, Headquarters; Drag Queens: Eva Destruction, Sofonda Cox, Hedda Lettuca, Anita Mann, Helluva Bottom Carter)
#10: Acting Gay Pays Off (this only works for str8s, liek playing gay to get chicks, or get ahead with your boss, etc.)
#9: L.U.G.s 'Lesbian Until Graduation' (now, if GUYS did this in college, it would be of interest to me)
#8: Gaydar Has Real Estate Function (homoequity: gays move into an area, fix it up and everyone wants to live there: Chelsea, South Beach, DuPont Circle)
#7: Oscar Loves gay Characters (ie, Tom Hanks in Philadelphia, Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry, Charlize Theron in Monster)
#6: Disco (Nuff Said, eh?)
#5: You Get To See Everybody Naked (now THIS is my favorite on the list! Lockerrooms can be fun. But also, you're hot female friends have no problem undressing in front of you. The best of both worlds. Not that that last thing DOES anything for me...)
#4: Cowboys (not really into the cowboy scene. Course, I wouldn't say no to a cute one.)
#3: No Gay Divorce (no gay marriage=no gay divorce)
#2: You Invented Everything (a list of gay inventors form history: Plato, Alexander The Great, Leanrdo De Vinci, Michelangelo, Truman Capote, Walk Witman)
#1: Cher (um...whatever. personally I think Madonna should have been here, but then it's not MY list, it's from VH1)
Should there be a term here that any of you don't know the meaning of, feel free to let me know. Uncle Polt's all about education...especially cute guys in college...but that's a story for another time....
POLT = listening to "Diesel Power" by Prodigy
Jack O'Lanterns are like guys: their heads are empty, they have mush for brains, and after a while, they smell real funny.
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