Nothing words can say, on this our wedding day...

Ya know, I have done NOTHING all day...not even laundry. I have wasted the entire day. And yet, I sit here yawning and tired. Go figure.

At any rate, it's probably time to talk about the wedding Saturday. I don't know why I didnt' take my digital camera along, but I didn't. I took the regular one. And I don't have the entire film used up yet, and I therefore don't have them developed yet. BUt once I do, I'll post them here. So I'll have to do this without photos. Bear with me.

The wedding started at 600, but neither Ghostie nor I knew exactly where we were going, despite having directions. SO I said we should meet at the park-n-ride off the interstate at 430, and that would give us plenty of time to get lost, and still make it to the wedding on time. SO we left about 430 as planned....and reached the wedding site at 500. Oh, Ghostie made a fuss that we were there so early, BUT, it meant that we had our choice of parking spaces AND it gave us a half hour to talk (not that we weren't talking on the way there, but that's not the point, so I'm ignoring it). About 530 we saw a few other people we knew who worked at Borders going in, so we went in with them.

And thusly started the adventure.

It was held at this place Ceresville Mansion in Frederick Maryland. I don't know the whole story behing it, but apparently it used to be this mansion, that now has been converted for uses such as weddings, and reunions, maybe bar mitzahs for all I know. At any rate, it was beautiful. And they had this large verando, with a pool in the middle and a gazebo at the end, and the wedding was supposed to be outside. At least that what I heard.

So we get inside and see the immediate area: there's rooms on either side of the center hallways, and a large board with a photo of Joe and Kelly in the hallway. We are greeted by this lady (who's name I did not get, but whom I named and we all called Bossy Lady). She was short-ish, about up to my chin, I think, late 40's 50 maybe? (I'm no good at judging those things) and wearing the tie, vest and stuff, the uniform of the servers there. She comes up and says, "Everyone can sign the board, there is hot apple cider in that room, and I'll take your coats."

I looked at her and said, "I thought the wedding was taking place outside." She said, "They moved it inside." I said, "Really? they moved it inside?" She got up right under her chin and thrust her finger into my face and said, "Look, son, I work here. I KNOW where the wedding is being held, okay?" ANd I was like, "Here! Take my coat, take my coat!!!" thrusting it out to her. And we laughed.

Oh, Bossy Lady was GREAT! I LOVED her! she was so funny. I picked up a pen trying to think of what to write on the board, but not writing anything. And then I stepped aside so someone else could, and I looked back and saw her, glaring at me. I was like, "Okay, okay, I'll sign it, I'll sign it!" Which i quickly did. Then she said, "And we have hot apple cider over there." I said to her, "Do I want hot apple cider?" ANd she got up to me again, and with the finger said, "Listening, son, I'm a server too, and i'll make CERTAIN I'm serving your table! You've got me all night now!" ANd I moaned. But we all laughed about it, cause she was so funny.

After the service (which I'll get to in a minute, I'm dealing with Bossy Lady antics now), we were ushered back to the two original rooms for cocktails and hors d'ouvers (or however you spell them). And I walked past Bossy Lady (which by the way, we NEVER called her to her face!), and she held a tray of hors....um, fancy snacks. She offered it to us saying, "Fried zuchini?" Susan (one of hte Borders people there) took one, and Bossy Lady held it towards me. I said, "Oh I don't like zuchini." But she pushed the tray a little closer and said, a bit more forcefully, "Fried zuchini!" "Why yes, I think I will, thank you!" I said taking one. It wasn't too bad, even though i don't like zuchini.

After an hour of the cocktail party, mingling, snacking, drinking, Bossy Lady is coming through telling people we can make our way back to the dining area, it's time to eat. So she comes up to me, slaps my arm and says, "Didn't you hear me? I said it's time to eat. Let's go. Chop chop!" I just HAD to laugh. I know it sounds like she was being rude, but she wasn't. it was all campy and joking an shit. She had us all laughing.

It turns out she was the server for our table. I got a photo with her as soon as we sat down, so I'll post that as soon as I get it. She also threatened Ghostie with one of his veggie-kabobs (damn vegetarian) in a photo took of them. When they handed out the cake, there was also a chocolate covered strawberry on the plate. She gave me this big huge mutant freak strawberry! i LOVE chocoalte covered strawberries! I made sure I said goodbye to her, and gave her a big hug when we left. She really made the night fun and enjoyable.

Okay, so what else? The service was held inside (as Bossy Lady said), and it was a beautiful service. Both Joe and Kelly wrote not thier own vows, but thier own promises to each other. And they were in tears while reading them. SO was kathy. I myself teared up too. They were beautiful and touching. Joe's brother was best man. he's also an opera singer, YES, an actualy for real opera singer. Makes his living that way. And he sang at the sevice. That was incredible as well. ANd during the service no one tripped, passed out or fell, so that was good.

We all sat at round tables, but Joe and Kelly had thier own little table near the fireplace, just the two of them. That was cozy. All the Borders people sat at one table. In a corner. Which i suppose considering who we were was a good place to put us.

And this leads to something else: Joe and Kelly both worked at theBorders I did, and there must have been a couple hundred people pass through the doors as employees over that period. nonetheless, the only people invited was Ghostie, Kathy, Ron (who all still work there), David and Susan, Andy and myself (all of us no longer work there), and of course Ron and Andy's wives. That's only 7 peopel total. How much of an honor is it be one of 9 selected out of ALL those other people to be asked to attend. I was truly touched when I realized that.

So anyway, they had place cards for each of us, with our names on the outside and a little symbol in the corner denoting whether you got the beef or salmon (or in Ghostie's case, the vegetarian). And then you flipped the card open and inside my card it read: table Audrey Niffenegger. My thought was, "Oh, our poor waitress, to go through life with a name like that." I showed it to Ghostie and he agreed it was a bad name. "Sounds kinda like you're swearing doesn't it?" I think Susan was the one to ask that. Then Kathy came over and informed us that, no, Audrey Niffenegger was an author, she wrote the Time Traveler's Wife or something like that. yeah, like I knew that! WHen we went in for the meal, I saw the J.K.Rowling table, and the Ernest Hemingway table and the Mark Twain table. Those I understood. But I was at the Niffenegger table. Firgues. Later, during the meal, when Kelly came around she explained that Niffenegger is apparently one of her favorite authors, but she knew no one would know who she was. So she figured she'd put the Borders people there, cause we'd know who she was. um, yeah...okay, well thankfully ONE of us did!

But that wasn't my sole confusion episode of the night, oh NO! During cocktails, there not only brought the ho...fancy snacks around to you, but they had some kinda seafood dip and crackers and stuff on one table. And they had anothre bowl of dip on another table. Behind that in an artfuly decorated basket was some carrots, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, etc. I thought it was simply decoration, until I saw someone pull some out and put it on a plate with some dip. Then I just felt stupid. But again, that wasn't to be the last time of the evening.

When we were seated, none of us were sure which butter knife and plate belonged to whom. But we got by. And I noticed this object above our plates on the table. This is what it was:



I had no idea what it was. I picked it up thinking maybe a ruler, but when I flipped it over, there were no numbers. And it wasn't 12 inches either. So that wasn't it. Maybe a butter knife...without a handle? Nah, that couldn't be it. Kathy saw my confusion and cleared it up for me. It was a bookmark! How appropriate for Borders people! And we all had another laugh at my stupidity.

The meal consisted of pumpkin soup, which was less than impressive. Bossy Lady ran out and didn't have a bowl for me (imagine that) but had to back to the kitchen to get me one. Not all the great I thought. The main course was beef, mashed potatoes and green beans, and carrots. I'm not sure what came with the salmon. The beef was good, except that it had mushroom with it, which I detest. But the meal was good. And then once they cut the cake, we had the cake, which was so good it could have put me into a diabetic coma...but it would have been worth it. And the chocolate covered strawberries!

Oh and depsite having an open bar, I only had a half galss of champagne for the toast and two Cokes. I didn't fell like drinking although it was readily available. SO that's why I was sober and un-hungover on Sunday.

Oh, that bathroom, can't forget that! man, it was fancier than my whole apartment! (which i guess isn't saying much, but nonetheless). It has marble floors, marble halfway up the wall, and above it was luch blue wallpaper with Roman and Greek statues on it. The countertop was marble as well. And they had like cloth handtowels. Well, they weren't really cloth, cause they were disposable, but they were thicker like cloth. And they had a basket there with Rolaids, and some other things in it, included Brushups! I had to take a pack of Brushups, not that I planned on using them but to show the other Borders people. To prove how fancy the bathroom was!

So for their first dance, Joe and Kelly had been taking lessons. And we were all impressed by what they did. Although Joe did later say that they had messed up a lot. But really, no one knew. And then they did a traditional Finnish thing (did I mention that Joe is Finnish? His grandmother still lives there, I believe and she flew over with some relatives to attend. I don't know if she spoke much, or any English, but God love her, she came halfway around the world (almost) for Joe wedding! And looked pretty spry, if a bit restrained [well, we obnoxious Americans probably overwhelmed the poor dear]). They blindfolded Kelly and stood her int he middle of the dancefloor and then all the single females danced around her. And Kelly had a headband of flowers she took off and put on one of thier head. I guess it's similar to the bouquet toss here. Ghostie and I were both ready to run for the bathrooms when the announcement was made, but they apparently decided against a garter toss. THANKS YOU JOE AND KELLY! I HATE that part of the wedding, always have, for YEARS! And this time I didnt' have to worry about it.

The DJ was playing good music (including Dancing Queen by ABBA, which had me dancing in my seat, but not ont he dance floor). A bit later Kathy said, "Well if I'm not gonna be dancing I might as well leave." SO I asked her to dance, and we did. For one song. But still, it was fun.

So, let me see, what else to say? Apparently most of Kelly extended family was there, cause they got a big group picture on the dance floor at one point. There were a number of kids there, but while we were eating, the kids were put at tables in the front rooms where the cocktails were held. Very nice idea. Kept them from disturbing people during the meal, moms and dads could eat and enjoy themselves. Also were several really cute babies there.

And speaking of cute babes, I didnt' harrass, attack or even speak to, Kelly's younger brother, I believe he's named Scott. Oh, I DID visually harrass him, a good protion of the evening (especially during the chicken dance, cause as you know, you gotta stick your ass out during it, but I digress...), but he never knew. No one did. I was just imaging him one of the first times I saw him, five or so years ago, sweaty and shirtless walking through his house....oh, but I'm not allowed to talk about that. Kelly hits me everytime I bring it up. Moving on....

There were other hotties there as well that I undressed in my mind as well, but we'll not dwell on them. Oh, and I was catty a few times, commenting on one guys uni-brow, and a lady's over one shoulder dress that would have looked FABulous on her...if she were about 30 years younger. But let's not spend time on me, this was about Joe and Kelly.

And it was a beautiful incredible wedding. ANd I had an incredible time. And I can never thank them enough for inviting me. Or, more importantly, for being my friends! I love them both!

POLT = listening to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

Don't get yourself down unless your'e willing to do something worthwhile when you're down there. - Edith Prickley