Thursday, February 16, 2006

If I was pregnant, I'd give birth to myself...

This evening after work I went to dinner with my friend Dawn. We worked together like 5 or 6 years ago and still try to keep in touch, but it's not easy. Something always comes up when we set a dinner date. Things like: it snowed, she was in a car accident, I was sick, her aunt died, I had to work over, she was sick, my car needed emergency work, etc, etc, etc. It usually takes up three to four tries before we actually get together.

Well anyway, we both made it Ruby Tuesdays this afternoon. The food was great (buffalo wings and salad bar...I figured the health content of the salad would balance out the non-health of the wings!), and the conversation great. Dawn is 5 1/2 months pregnant. Now mind you she's only like 5'4 or so and MIGHT weigh 100 lbs. After a buffet. Fully clothed. Wearing a parka. Soaking wet. With a concrete block tied to her ankle. Hold two bowling balls. you get the idea. SO at 5 1/2 months, she's obviously pregnant. but she's all excited about it.

We're in the middle of dinner and talking about the pregnancy, and she tells me she's been lucky, no morning sickness or such. And she says there's been a very positive side effect. i ask what it is. And she puts her hands under her tits and lifts them upwards and outwards and says, "My God, LOOK at these puppies!" Oh I almost died laughing. I had to spit out the hunk of lettuce I was gnawing on. Through my laughter she goes on to say, "I've never had big boobs before. Man, I don't know what to do with these. I gotta be careful i don't knock anyone over with them! And when I start breast feeding, they'll...get...even...BIGGER!!!!" I was laughing so hard I noticed a lady from another table glance over. Fuck her.

See you gotta understand, Dawn has always been kinda quiet, not very loud or boisterous or anything. And this was SO unlike her. that just made it all the more funnier. And she says, "I'm really enjoying them!" And I added, " I bet Jamie (her husband) is too!" Her eyes get big as saucers, she gets this evil grin on her face and says, "oh yeah! he's definately enjoying them too! not as much as I'd want, but enough!" And I had to laugh again.

This is why I love going out to eat with her. She always can make me laugh! I wonder, though, how much she'll be laughing in June, when contractions are hitting her? I told I wanted to be there to film it. And she told me no film. She says, "I don't want shots of my hoo-hoo preserved for all eternity!" Heheheheh, so unlike her. Gotta love it!

POLT = listening to "Sometimes" by Ours

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste. - Ms. Weezer, Steel Magnolias

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