Sentimental and melancholy, whenever i think...

I'm feeling a bit melancholic today. I don't like it.

A co-worker's husband passed away last night. He's been sick for about 6 weeks, and she's been off work, and I don't really like her all that much, and I think I only met him like 2 times in my whole life, but he was only in his 50's, and it was cancer, and he leaves three sons behing, the youngest being still in high school, and it all just makes me....sad. And on top of it all, today is my co-worker's birthday.

It's funny, I don't really have a good word to say about her, and as I said, I didn't really know him, but yet, it saddens me.

And then, after work, I went to visit the Parispekings and see and hold the newest little one (just two days old), and I was quite taken aback by that. Oh, the two older kids (3 and 1.5 yrs old) played with me, and I was talking to Mama Parispeking, and Grammy Parispeking who happened to be there as well. Oh and the dogs. And it was quite fun.

But just sitting there, holding this little new human being, that three days ago, wasn't even born yet, it touched me. It's just so amazing. I was overcome with emotion thinking about it later.

And then I got a bit depressed (no, that's too strong of a word...but something like it), because I know I'll never have one of my own. And then I remembered diapers, and that all went away. No, I jest. I am sad that I have no kids, and probably won't. I mean, I am pretty selfish, and immature and irresponsible, so it's probably a good thing I don't have any kids, but still.

And then I got to thinking that this will be the first Memorial Day without dad, and that brought out a whole host of emotions again.

And tomorrow is my cousin Cam's 3rd birthday party. So that will definitely be fun. But late tonight, mom called to tell me Cam's parents, grandparents, and aunt swung by to pick her up and take her with them when they went to a Fun Center (skee-bal, go carts, mini-golf, etc). And I'm glad they did, but then I wondered, why didn't they call me too? I mean it was 6:30 when they left, well after I was off work. So that upset me a bit. Until I thought they probably just figured I had something going on on a Saturday evening. So then I was a bit better.

And I watched this French gay coming of age movie. It was touching, and that stirred up a whole host of other feelings.

Is this what the moods swings of PMS, or bi-polar disorder are like? god, it sucks. Well, tomorrow is a new day, I'll have a good night's sleep and everything will be better.

POLT Listening to "Flounders Mashups" on DC101

Don't let your crushes become obsessions. - Kim Gordon