Hear the food and beverage seer...

If y'all remember, a few days ago, I posting about some quizzes that I took and one had the following question:

9. If you were a food/beverage you would be:
Filet mignon.
Raspberry cheesecake.
Bread and Wine.
A Margarita.
A cup of coffee.
A pita with hummus and veggies.
Pizza.
Chocolate-covered strawberries.
Apple pie.

I find myself drawn to this question again and again and I don't know why. I kept thinking, "Well, what kind of people WOULD be like those foods/beverages?" And then i started imagining people to fit that description, and I came up with these types of gay men, that would fit those descriptions, that you could possibly find in a gay bar. (yes, I have too much time on my hands, it's true.)

Filet Mignon: Gym bunny. Big slab of beef, wearing probably too tight shorts and a wifebeater, if a shirt at all. Probably rather tan, but from the tanning booths, cause he spends most of his time in a gym. More interested in his own looks than he'd ever be in you.

Raspberry Cheescake: Smaller, kind of roundish guy, not really fat, just plump. Probably has a large circle of friends and laughs a lot. May get red in the face from laughing, or embarrasment. Perhaps a little self-conscious of his looks, and there fore, not usually on the prowl, but always having a fun time regardless.

Bread and Wine: Has too much money to have anything to do with you little people. Wears tailored shirts and shorts, sports some diamond jewelry and a gold Rolex. Drives a Porshe or other fancy sports car. Talks through his teeth and laughs through his nose, and is rather rude. Doesn't even notice you.

A Margarita: Tall thin guy, in somewhat disheveled clothes and bloodshot eyes who's never without a drink his hand. Sits mostly at the bar or leans against the wall with his friends. Tries to dance, but it's obvious he's so drunk he might hurt himself, or someone else. Slurs his words when he tries to pick you up. Will end the night vomiting somewhere, probably, but not necessarily alone.

A Cup Of Coffee: Working stiff. Construction worker, factory worker, office worker, accountant, whatever. Stable job, decent money, but not rich. Probably tired from having to work overtime earlier in the week, so not much dancing. Bitches about work, but tries not to. Just looking for some fun and release over the weekend to combat the week drudgery.

A Pita With Hummas and Veggies: Tall, skinny, vegan. Longish hair, facial stubble, but not in that cultivated way, he just hasn't shaved lately. And bathing might be option for him as well, and there's an air of incense about him to cover the marijuana smell. Wears worn out shorts, probably sandals and a t-shirt that's either tie-dyed or of some cause near and dear to his heart. Says "Maaaan" a lot. Could be good in bed, if you can get him to shut up about the oppressed, the danger to the forests and PETA.

Pizza: The kid with the fake ID. T-shirt with some band on it, old jeans, and worn sneakers. Wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights look that he's finally inside a gay bar. Still got some acne. Stays to the walls just taking it, until approached. Him in a gay bar is like chum thrown to a pool of sharks. Could be fun, if he's your type...and you can fight your way through the crowd circling him and get to him first.

Chocolate-Covered Strawberries: The legal, but still young, club kids. Small, shirtless, but not yet muscular. Hair perfectly coiffed, wearing only A&F/Aeropostale/Hollister/etc clothes, with a Zima or some such drink in their hands. Dancing to the latest Britney/Christina/Gwen song. Perhaps sprinkled with glitter. If you're over 25, you need not even try.

Apple Pie: Nice jeans or khakis, blue or white button up shirt, with white tee underneath. Freshly scrubbed and shaved face. Probably going to college, majoring in business. Might have played a sport in high school. Confident without being arrogant. You're typical red-blooded American gay boy next door.

Or at least that's how I see them all.

POLT = listening to "Rescue Me" by Madonna

Domination is the name of the game, in bed or in life, it's all the same. - Depeche Mode