You don't-a know what's cooking, until you mambo...

Yesterday, for some reason, I was filled with the spirit of housewives who have passed on. I became...domestic!

Did I clean up my apartment? BWAHAHAHAHA, girl, please! I didn't say I was delusional, did I? No, I just somehow found a bit of my own personal domestic goddess. And when I managed to rouse her fat ass off the couch, this is what we did:

Firstly, two loads of laundry (which isn't really unusual for a Monday, but read on). Afterwards, I actually went to the grocery store and got some groceries! And they cosisted of more than just Pepsi, chips, and swedish fish! I actually stuff to make lunch for this week at work! no Wendys/Subway/Arby's for Uncle Polt this week (although Panera Bread is STILL a distinct possiblity).

I then hard boiled some eggs. I'll take them for lunch as well, and they a fun and healthy (albeit stinky) snack. WHile they were hard boiling, I cleaned and cut up some celery I bought. Again a fun and healthy snack...although the peanut butter I ususally eat it with somewhat cancels the healthy part out.

And so, when the eggs are done, and I use tongs to get them out of the water and put them in a bowl filled with cold water, and then put the whole thing in the fridge. However, whilst doing this, I dropped and egg on the counter, and the shell cracked. Well, I didn't want to put this in the water with a cracked shell. SO after getting the eggs in the fridge, I ran cold water over the damaged egg, to cool it off and then peeled it. I shelled it and ran more cold water over it to cool it down. And then I took a bite out of it. and another. Now this second one is where I got a large protion of the yoke...which was, naturally, in the center of the egg, and thusly, still hot. Very hot. And the damn thing got smooshed up in the back left corner of the roof of my mouth and just...stuck there. Burning. Scalding the roof of my mouth. I tried to dislogde it with my tongue, but that burned my tongue. Oh yeah I COULD have drank something to swish it away, and I probably WOULD have...had I thought of it. No, what was MY response? I spit the whole damn bite out into the trash...which left the yoke still sticking to the roof. SO I jammed my fingers up there and dislodged it that way. Yeah, I'm a master at being cool and level headed under pressure. Damn thing still burns now....bastard egg.....

Now you'd think this brush with...firey egg pain would remind me I'm about as proficient in the kitchen as a a dwarf is on the basketball court. OH, but NO! We of German heritage are a stubborn lot!

I decided I wanted to make Strawberry shortcake. ANd not those little mamby-pamby round fluffy pastries cakes one gets at a store and just puts strawberry IN them! now, I was going to use Mama Polt's recipe, with Bisquick, and melted butter and mixing things into a dough and baking them! oh yeah, what was I thinking?

So the recipe's a bit deceptive. It says first you need X amount of strawberries and right under that it lists 1/2 cup of sugar, along with the other ingredients: milk, Bisuick, butter, etc, etc, etc. SO I mix all of this together, mix it into a soft dough, spread it out in the cassarole pan, and put it in the pre-heated oven to bake. I was going to start preparing the strawberries when I happened to glance over the recipe again...there was also a listing for 3 tbsps of sugar. WTF??? SO i actually decide to READ the thing...and the 1/2 CUP of sugar was to go on the berries once they were cleaned an prepared. the 3 tbsps is what was supposed to go into the shortcake!

Half a cup vs 3 tblsps...oh how bad could it be?

SO I get the strawberries all ready and in the container and just about then, the buzzer goes off saying the shortcake is done. I get it out and...well it hasn't risen as well as I expected. I let it cool, and a bit later, I cut some of it out, put a few berries in with it, and pour milk over it all and...spit it all back out. Oh, it was horrible! Flat, chewy, underbaked (or so it tasted...), just really REALLY bad!

I dumped the whole batch out and made a SECOND batch...and this one, I'm happy to say turned out correctly, and tasted just yummy! I took a photo of the final product.





So despite everything else, in the end, I had a bolw of delicious strawberry shortcake, and that's all that matters!

POLT = listening to "Everybody's Changing" by Keane

We've studied thier weaknesses, monitored thier every move, undermined thier intelligence, and used thier toilets. - Lex Luthor, JLA #36