A bride and groom, we ate the food, we drank a wine...

My cousin Jaime is getting married in July. Yesterday, I got a call from her fiance, Quentin, and he asked me to be in the wedding, as a groomsman. Of course I accepted. I found it a little funny though, in that I've only met Quentin once.

Last Labor Day, Jaime had a birthday party for her mother, a cookout at a local park that had a lake. From our side of the family, she only invited me, mom and my grandmother. Mom and I both figured that was cause Quentin in black and we're all white. Since she was a teenager, Jaime has dated exclusively black guys. This has cause some scandals in our family. But Mama Polt is a saint and in no way judgemental. And, even though Jaime couldn't know this, I've had my fair share of black guys, so obviously it's no big deal to me. But mom and I both figured Jaime wanted to get our 'take' on Quentin before introducing him to the whole family. ya know, if she gets Mama Polt into her corner, well that's a strong ally.

I was quite impressed with Quentin and how he was around her, and how he dealt with her two sons, and more importantly, how they dealt with him. And I told her so then. And I told Quentin that as well. Mama Polt and I both essentially gave our approval, although it wasn't explicitly asked for.

SO I think that's why Quentin's asking me. Not that it really matter anyway, I mean, regardless of the reason, I'm quite honored that he decided to ask me.

And this is funny too, this will be the seventh wedding that I've been in.

1) Back in 1990, I was best man at my, at the time, best friend Duff's wedding.


That's the happy couple (although they've since divorced and she's remarried), and yes, that's me, in the gray tux with the peach tie and cumberbunt...and the horrible late 80's hair.

2) Then, in 1997, I was best man in my friend's Phoenix's wedding.


The blue paisley and black tux colors were a bit better than the first wedding.

3) Then in 1999, I was a groomsman for my cousin Tim's wedding.


The tux was all black, but I had a horrible time with it. The side clasp broke on the right side and wouldn't stay shut, and I had to continually pull the pants up. They even tried safety pins and such, to no avail. The whole wedding and reception I had to worry about my pants dropping around my ankles. Course, the tux was a metphor for the entire wedding. The bride is pure white trash, and they've been divorced for several years now. She still gives Tim fits over child custody, and support and stuff.

4) Then in 2003, I was a groomsman in the wedding of A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking and Mrs. A Local Celebrity, Mr. David ParisPeking.


That's ALCMDPP himself standing behing me. And that's Ghostie off to the side. He was in the wedding as well.

5) In 2006 I was a groomsman in my uncle wedding to his third wife. They had a small affair with just his son as the best man, and my mom as the matron of honor. The bride's son and I seated people as they came in, but neither of us wore tuxs, just suits. And I don't have any photos of myself there.

6) And in October of last year, I was a groomsman at Ag's wedding.


The purple vest made this tux, I think, the best of the bunch.

Why should I be upset that we gays aren't allowed to get married, after all I've been in more than my fair share of weddings, right? Always a groomsman, never a groom, that's what they say?

POLT Listening to "Mickey" by Toni Basil

Mayflies are born, they live, they mate, and they die in only eighteen hours. They see only one night. Only one moon. They use the gift of life for as long as they are allowed. They are wise. - Bryke, V, The Second Generation