Testicular Tuesdays With Johnnie (on Wednesday again, but hey, who's complaining at least we got a column this week...)
I apologise to all my loyal fans (which I think includes polt and myself, at least I think he reads this) for not sending in last week. I know it has to be rough to go nearly two weeks without my testicles. I could never do that myself.
So I was planning on writing an amusing but true story about a friend's testicles, but after a frightening experience this evening, I must write about my own. Consider this the halloween addition of testicular tuesdays a little late. Tonight I went to a friend's apartment for dinner. She was nice enough to cook for me an two of our mutual friends. Granted, it was Polish food, which was scary enough. She even made sour crout (sp?) which is the only thing worse than Mormons in my book (*shudder*). So after carefully avoiding the rotten cabbage and forcing down a few perogies and kelbosi heavily doused in ketchup, we moved to the living room to chat. I've seen some frightening things in my short life. I've had my share of near death encounters and even had a loaded gun pulled on me once. None of that could prepare me for the fright of my life. When I looked on her shelf I saw a picture of Rick Santorum with his arm around my friend. The picture was not only proudly displayed and framed, but signed specifically to her! I thought maybe she had it up as some sort of leftover Halloween decoration, so I asked he why she had it up. She claimed that he just mailed it to her after she met him on some sort of class trip and that she kept it up because her mother loves him. However, I know her parents live about five hours away. One could imagine such a thing from an easily swayed simpleton, but my friend is a scientist and a voter. She's well educated and trained in critical thinking. I was so horrified by this that my balls ran back up inside of me for protection. I'll now have to spend the rest of the evening coaxing them out with pictures of cheerleaders and reaffirmations that the devil incarnate won't be re-elected.
friends don't let friends vote for Santorum.
(AMEN to that, John! - Polt)
POLT = listening to "19-2000" by Gorillaz
"We're fags on ice!" "No, that's the Olympic men's figure skating team." - Dave Cameron, Queer As Folk
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